Fallen by the Wayside

It is cold out, very cold.  Like 1 degree above zero cold.  Why do we live in Minnesota?  For the three months of gorgeous weather a year?  It really does not seem worth it. 




Our poor pear tree in the beautiful snow


Couped up in the house, like a bunch of chickens in a chicken coup, is how my entire family is feeling.  My poor husband longs to go outside.  "You can boost me onto the tractor," he tries to negotiate.  "No," I state shooting down his dreams.  But, everyday I put on his shoes, his cleats, bundle us up and head out to the shop.  The sound of the snow and ice on our sidewalk crunches beneath our shoes and I silently pray that I can hold him up enough so that he will not fall.  He meanders around the shop, sometimes aimlessly.  He stares at projects, some unfinished.  Projects that have fallen by the wayside. Then asks to return to the house.  Crunch, crunch, crunch our shoes sound against the snow and ice.

Grandpa Dan pushing snow outside of our shop.  The snow is almost as high as his tractor.

Yesterday, I had meetings at school for the boys.  A progress report from Noah's teacher, and I am very pleased by how well he is doing.  This year is a good year for Noah.

The next meeting was very intense involving Abram.  I sat around the conference table with his preschool teacher (who is amazing,) Judy his care coordinator, Jeanne his occupational therapist (which was a surprise to me because she never told me she was working with him at school...but whatever helps Abram I guess,) the principal, Evelyn his PI, and the special ed teacher (who is also awesome.)  I sat quietly and listened to them try to figure out what they are going to do with my child next year.  "He should be sitting criss-cross instead of W sitting...he leans up on the walls at the end of the day because he is tired...what about phy ed...riding the bus...getting on the bench at lunch...how many days next year should he go to school...he should only write three S's instead of five..." on and on. 

Once again, I find my thoughts drifting to everything but the topic at hand.  It's not that I don't care, but I have sat in numerous meetings like this before.  Meetings about meetings trying to figure out what is best for him.  All they really have to do is ask me.  I am his mother (and his advocate) and I know what is best for him...so it really does not matter what they say in these meetings.  I will only agree to do what I think is best.

I find my mind meandering through thoughts about my ill child at home, my husband, our cat who now has a cone on it's neck, my mother who took off the afternoon from work so I could go to the meetings about meetings, and the New Years resolution list that I have not followed (except keeping up on my blog.)  I think about the knitting basket nestled in my closet and failing to learn how to knit again.  The new camera tucked away in my cupboard and a hopeful hobby fallen by the wayside. 

"He will go to three days of kindergarten next year and we will see how it goes," I respond.  They never argue with me, usually they sit quietly and write down what I have to say.  Everyone always looks so nervous.  "I will check up on his TLSO brace wearing schedule."  Homeschooling looks pretty good right about now.

After the meeting is over, I crawl into by ice cold car.  Tears clenching my throat.  I better get feeling sorry for myself out of my system before returning home to a double dose of reality. 

Life is busy, sometimes too busy.  And then you top it off with a broken husband, ill children, a child with special needs, and a cat with a cone on its neck...sometimes you just need to remember to breath.  And as the late great turtle from Kung Fu Panda once stated, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, to day is a gift...that is why they call it the present."