Homeward Bound

Yesterday, after delivering four car loads of stuff to our house, we were finally able to spend the first night in our own beds after a long month of sleeping at our in-laws, hospital beds, and sleeper sofas.  Our lives keep improving everyday.  Within moments, it felt as though we never left home.  We picked up right where we left off.  Some people may not think that baskets of medical supplies, putting two people in back braces everyday, and doing  bowel and bladder care is not anywhere near a normal, good life.  But, really, life is what you make of it.  And life can always be much worse.

It is a big adjustment moving home with Aaron and the boys.  All responsibilities fall on my shoulders.  Sometimes I feel like I cannot breath.  And in the silence that only night time can have, I grieve for the loss that I feel from my husband.  His broken spirit.  His bodily functions that are lost.  The longing on my boys' faces to play and horse around with dad.  The if onlys that run through my mind...  My dad used to always say, "You got a wish in one hand and a turd in the other, see which one fills up quicker."  And life goes on...

I never realized all of the responsibilities that Aaron had: snow removal, dog care, cleaning outside and so on.  I think of the widows that have lost their husbands, forever gone.  I feel so fortunate that Aaron is here on earth, alive and well.  And I love to watch him walk around the house.  The echo of his neurosurgeons words resonate in my ears, "It's a miracle...he was 1 mm away from not walking..."  The sound of his shoes on the tile is a rhythm I could listen to for hours. 

Aaron has worked so hard to get us to go home.  Walking never ending steps, doing physical and occupational therapy every day.  Tonight, he even helped me cook supper.  He made his famous, home made barbecue sauce.  It took a lot out of him but it was an accomplishment, a step towards our old normal.

It is hard for Aaron to constantly ask for help.  Can you reach this for me?  I dropped my cane, can you pick it up?  Sometimes he gets very frustrated because he cannot do a lot for himself.  Hopefully, with some rearranging in our home, we can promote his independence and self confidence.

So, on we go with our new normal.  Our children are wonderful.  I am very impressed with Noah's initiative to step up and be the big brother.  He even enjoys helping his dad lay down in bed and doing little things for him.  And Abram, well he is Abram.  Stuck to his dad like glue and constantly into mischief.

Again I find us on another bend on our road to recovery.  Fueled by a Higher Power, dedication to each other, and perseverance.  Every day is a new day filled with new opportunities and challenges.  Our mailbox continues to be filled with letters and cards that pour out positive thoughts and prayers.  Our friends, family, neighbors and co-workers continue to keep our tummies full (that really relieves a huge stress---even though I enjoy cooking.)  We pray for all of the people who have shown us kindness and generosity every day.  There are no words to express our appreciation.