Surreal

Sometimes life passes you by, leaving you in the dust.  Sometimes, it feels as though the whole world in going in fast motion and we are completely at a standstill.  That is how I felt when Abram spent weeks in the hospital and this is how I feel now...but only sometimes. 

I was in love with our completely normal life before Aaron's accident.  My little family...

My wonderful husband...

All family photos were taken by Cassie.

Our two dogs and a cat...

Everything was so normal and drama free.  I would listen to people at work or friends passing by and they would talk about their life dramas.  I could not help but think to myself, "My life is so boring and I love it!"  Then a moment comes along, a split second, and everything changes.  But, little by little, I am falling in love with our new normal.

Again, I am so very grateful for our family, friends, and co-workers.  It was shocking (in a good way) how our community bonded together to help us in a time of need.  Neighbors, some of whom I very rarely spoke to, stopped over to our home with food and prayers.  Friends and family surrounded us with love.  And our true friends came shining through and were our rocks.


A couple of evenings ago the neighbors brought over a couple of German short hair puppies for the boys (Aaron) to see.  I told the boys (Aaron) that we will not be getting another puppy.  We live in enough of a zoo as it is.  But, it really brightened Aaron's day and it was nice to see him have a normal farmer conversation again. For a split second, I had forgotten that Aaron was not his old normal.  I forgot that Aaron has a fortune of metal in his back.  Through his laughter, I forgot that he has pressure sores on his legs and bowel and bladder problems.  But, then I saw the fading bruises and tape burns on his arms and it came rushing back to me.  We are still at the beginning of relearning each other.  And even though they (Aaron) begged for a puppy, we had to let them go back to their mom. 

Then, Valentine's Day rolled around.  Two of my insane over achieving friends, who I love dearly, made Aaron and I a delicious meal of homemade fettuccine alfredo, bread, salad, better then sex cake, and chocolate covered strawberries.  Then, my sister in law picked up Noah and Abram.  Aaron and I had a peaceful evening with fabulous food and quiet conversation.  Once again, I realize all that matters is that our family is together.  We are so fortunate to have each other.

Tomorrow we return to the doctor.  It is a day that I have secretly been dreading since Aaron was discharged from the hospital.  His rehab physician told us that at three weeks post-op we would see improvements in his leg movements, bowel and bladder functions.  That is how long it takes a bruised spinal cord to start to heal.  We are now at six weeks post-op and have noticed a few improvements. His bowel function is improving.  His balance is improving (he has graduated from a walker to a cane.)  But, his thighs still feel "different" and he still cannot pee on his own.  So, I am sure tomorrow we will be delivered good news and bad news.  I hope that we are prepared.

We seek refuge in each other and our friends and family.  Our friends and family send us little poems, sayings, and Bible verses that they feel are pertinent to our situation.  And, I will have to say that I love reading them, they always lift up our spirits.  The following is one that I received via email from a co-worker.  It is ironic because I had just been reading through Psalms and was having a hard time finding one that I felt that matched our situation.  I think that it is easier for someone who is standing outside, looking in, to see us and give us what we need physically and spiritually.

PSALM 62:5-8
 
"FIND REST , O MY SOUL, IN GOD ALONE;
MY HOPE COMES FROM HIM.
HE ALONE IS MY ROCK AND MY SALVATION;
HE IS MY FORTRESS, I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

MY SALVATION AND MY HONOR DEPEND ON GOD;
HE IS MY MIGHTY ROCK, MY REFUGE.
TRUST IN HIM AT ALL TIMES, O PEOPLE;
POUR OUT YOUR HEARTS TO HIM,
FOR GOD IS OUR REFUGE."