I know that I am constantly being tested to prove myself. How am I going to handle my two boys when they are being disobedient or disrespectful? Have I let their slight of tongue go too far? Did the words that rolled off of my own tongue hurt those that I love? Was I too quick to judge?
Parenting is my biggest struggle lately.
Maybe it is because my kids are changing and so I need to adapt my parenting skills (or lack there of) to them. Maybe it is because the summer is coming to a swift end and returning to school is right around the corner.
Or maybe it is because life changes too quickly for us to adapt to it.
Sometimes I squeeze my eyes shut and wish for my boys to be little---er again. Like, cuddly stage littler. I feel my heart long for that. Ten years ago I would never have thought that would be something that I miss so terribly...an emptiness that I have nothing to fill it with.
But then "it" happened today. This afternoon I spent a couple of hours at a friends house...doing facials of all things. When we were done having much needed girly time (I wish I would have brought my camera) I returned to my mom's house to pick up my boys.
I totally vegged out on mom's amazingly comfy couch. Her house always relaxes me to the point where I could sleep sitting up. Anyway...I was vegged on the couch and then I felt it...my little guy curled up next to me. You know, in the crook of my arm. A few seconds later, big brother gently curled up by my legs. I know that it sounds crazy, but those few minutes of cuddle time were what I needed. That quiet time with just me and my boys. No fighting to break up, no phone calls to interrupt, no noise of the television. Just us. It was priceless.
I think you are doing a great job at being a mom (but then again, I'm prejudiced!). If I could give an award out, it would be to you, dear. All you wanted to be when you grew up was a good mom and you have far exceeded that! You are a great mom. I know it's a challenge at times but you and Aaron are so blessed with two wonderful sons. These little beings make you laugh and make you cry. You are truly blessed!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you got a little cuddle time in with your growing boys! They still need you and love you even though I'm sure it feels like they are pushing you away some days. I can't imagine how heart breaking it would be to mother a pre-adolescent. But I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteI love the photo of Abram carrying corn with corn husks lining up behind him. So cute. Good capturing those moments! And don't be afraid to "overexpose" a bit!
Amen! What a beautiful post. We all have struggles with our children, we can all understand (in our own way) the feelings of frustration you shared.
ReplyDeleteLove that last photo. The height of the corn adds so much perspective, and I like the way you have them framed on either side by the rows of corn. And because Cassie mentioned it... I think your exposure looks pretty good on most of these.