Today

Today, as I sit in a balcony at a church that is very foreign to me, I look around at all of the people dressed in black and gray.  The never ending streams of questions from my boys continues on and on "...is David still sick...why is he in that bed...why do we bury people in the ground...what is heaven...where is God"...and on and on... 

Today, I watched as young mothers struggled to sooth their fussy babies, as their other children pulled relentlessly at their skirts. Meanwhile, their husbands stared mindlessly at the elder preaching at the front of the church. 

Today, as the minister droned on and on about "...repent if you want to join God in the Kingdom of Heaven...be baptized if you want to go to Heaven..." I watched my good friend, a new widow, wrap her arms around her two daughters, fruitlessly trying to comfort their grief.  As their father lay in a casket adorned with flowers at the front of the church, tears flooded the sanctuary.  Sobs could be heard in the back of the balcony.  This is only the beginning of my friends sorrow. She has been trying, with no avail, to find meaning behind her husband being taken from this world so suddenly and leaving her with nothing. 

For two hours I sat and patiently listened with my little family.  Incredibly, the boys sat and were very patient too.  I searched for some sort of comfort among the minister's words, something that would make sense to me.  Words that I could relate too.  But sadly, I found none. 

Today, I crossed my legs in my gray trousers and found that I was literally the only woman in the church who had pants on. Every one else wore skirts or dresses.  Every one's hair was up and their heads were covered.  As my husband put his arm around me and whispered gently into my ear, "I appreciate you," I found that under his suit, he was the ONLY man in the church who wore a colored dress shirt. Every one else wore black suits with white shirts and black ties.  I guess we missed the memo on the dress code (but he still looked HOT.) 

Today, as Aaron's distant relatives shook our hands and greeted us with never ending kindness to this strange church, I realize that the sense of community this church has is truly what I am looking for.  If only they had a different belief system, I would actually consider being a part of this church.  My husband and I watched how the hundreds of church members rally around their beloved sister, stricken with grief, coming to her aid with anything she needs.  And they will continue to do so in the years to come.  We watched how grown men shed tears for the loss of their brother, and we saw the elder wipe his own tears in front of everyone at the church.

So, today I feel torn.  With a heavy heart we must say good-bye to a good friend.  We must teach our children to also say good-bye (Abram stood on the pew and shouted "Good bye" and waved from the balcony in front of everyone- that was embarrassing.)  Words cannot express the sorrow that we feel for their family or the happiness that we feel for our friend to have such an awesome church community.


Dave and Janet's Ducks, Our boys loved the ducks (Noah took this photo)
David was found dead in their barn, having reached the age of 50.















"Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever,"  -Ghandi