Happy Birthday Little One

As I think back five years ago about the birth of my youngest son I am overcome with a mixture of emotions. 

Joy mixed with pain and sadness mixed with the miracle of another life created that only God himself has perfected.



The first few years of his life I questioned God's plan for Abram.  But I learned to quit questioning and to take life for what it is and not what I want it to be.



God's plan for Abram is much larger and more important than my plan, his teacher's plan, or any of his therapists plans.  So really, we can sit around a table and discuss his progress until we are blue in the face...but does it really matter?  He has come so far.  And yes, therapy sessions and back braces and surgeries and whatever else has helped him be the miraculous little stinker that he is today...but he would not be here without God guiding him.

And so with that, I can happily say, "Happy 5th birthday Abram!"


Today I feel very thankful and proud to be the mother of this little boy.  His journey has consisted of many ups and downs.  I was told once by someone (whom I cannot remember) "You can't appreciate the ups with out the downs...so get over it."  I do not know if a person ever gets "over" something, but gets through it.  Aaron will never get over his snowmobile accident.  It will effect his daily functions for the rest of his life.  He is gradually learning to work through not only the physical aspects but also the emotional.  I feel very blessed to have Aaron, Noah, and Abram in my life.  So, I think that it is time to count my blessings...

41.  Abram reaching age 5.  He proved all of his doctors and specialists wrong.
42.  Noah, who is a wonderful big brother. 
43.  A happy husband.  He has his ups and downs, good days and bad...but his spirit stays strong.  Hopefully Monday he will start working a little bit.  We are nervous but we will make it through.
44.  The snow melting (even though it snowed more today.)
45.  I know I have said it before...but mud....I love mud!
46.  Great friends who have held us up during the last few months, especially the blond and brunette.
47.  Establishing a work out routine that I can hopefully keep up with (yes I know...I never thought I would do it.)
48.  Feeling good and happy on a rainy day.
49. Being able to let go of Aaron enough to let him go to the shop on his own.
50.  Everyone who came together in our community and gave Aaron a benefit supper. 

The Blue Footed Booby

{Spell check, for some unknown dumb reason, is not working at the time that this is published.  So, please ignore all of the spelling and grammatical errors until I get a chance to figure out what the heck is wrong with it.}

It has been a long winter.  In addition to consistently having sub-freezing temperatures towards the end of March, an antsy husband, and an itch to dig in the dirt myself, I have to keep my two little boys occupied.  A way that we try to break up our arctic winter is for the boys to receive their own magazines in the mail.  Although Noah has never especially been interested in these "special" magazines, Abram is all over them.  Highlights is one that myself, as a child, used to receive and I have many fond memories of doing the countless activities within the pages.  I also like this magazine because it has different levels for the readers.  Noah gets one at an eight year old level and Abram gets one at a four year old level.  Another magazine that Abram receives is Your Big Backyard which he adores because, as an animal lover, they feature many different types of animals.

Well, the last issue that he received featured giraffes.  His love for kangaroos is only outweighed by his love for giraffes.

Abram loves Mr. Giraffe.  He is his constant companion and has been chewed up by the dogs, washed a million times, and can only be purchased at MGM in Las Vegas.  So, when Mr. Giraffe went MIA, grandma had to order another one from Las Vegas because, as Abram put it, "No other giraffe sniffed the same."

Abram and I were snuggled up on a chair in our living room, wrapped in a cozy blanket.  Noah was practicing typing on the computer just around the corner with in hearing distance.  Absently, I read through the articles on the giraffes and insects that looked like giraffes and then prairie dogs.  My mind was not with this magazine, it was in the kitchen doing the dishes.  So, I wasn't really thinking about what I was reading.  Until we came to the article about an unique and special bird...the Blue Footed Booby.  That's right, I said it....Booby. 



This is the bird, the Blue Footed Booby.  I also found it spelled "Bubi" on the Internet.


Why...oh why...did the writers of this magazine...out of thousands of different types of birds...pick one with booby in its name.  Although unique and amazing, for Pete's sake, saying "booby" with little boy ears around only fuels giggling fits.

"Mom, you said booby," Abram whispered.  "We are not suppose to say words like that."

Around the corner I could hear Noah erupt in giggles which prompted Abram to erupt in giggles and caused a catastrophic giggle explosion.  This particular article was also accompanied by "The booby dance."  Yes, that's right, "do the booby."  I was trying not to laugh and to be serious, but how does one show their little boy how to "do the booby" without laughing?  It was ridiculous.  We looked ridiculous.  Come on writers of Your Big Backyard, what were you thinking? 

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I feel that I have been behind on everything this week.  Maybe it is because spring showed its face for a split second and then was cut off by a raging winter snow storm.  So, in an attempt to catch up....I better start counting this weeks blessings:

31.  Friends and family that are coming this weekend to show their support and love for Aaron and our family. 
32.  Everyone who is putting their time and effort into Aaron's benefit.  It is very humbling to have people do this for our family.
33.  Noah and Abram's happiness and good health.  Everything feels like it is getting back to normal...or at least what normal will be for us.
34.  Melting snow.  Mud.  Mud puddles.  I love mud.
35.  Little boys are washable.
36.  Aaron walking and doing more on his own everyday.
37.  The ability to loosen my grip on my husband.  Hopefully, soon I will be able to let him go...so he can be the husband and dad that he longs to be.
38.  Going back to work for the both of us is in near sight.
39.  Grandma Bernice's 80th birthday.  She was so close to death last summer, literally on her death bed.  And then all of the sudden...she just woke up.  Never, in all of my years of nursing, have I ever seen anything like it.  God is good.
40.  A girls night coming soon.  I am very fortunate to have the friends that I do.  In the past several months, Aaron and I have found out who our true friends are.

Another Day

Today, Aaron returned to the doctor.  His neurosurgeon (who is amazing---and I know that I have stated my disdain for neurologists and their abundance of knowledge and lack of common sense in prior blogs but I continue to think that Dr. Cherr is an awesome physician) and his PA, Rachel (who is also amazing...and beautiful and athletic and intelligent...but I still like her) once again were very satisfied by the miraculous progress that Aaron has made in the last 10 weeks.  At this point in the majority of their patients recoveries, most of them are just starting to wean off of pain medications and learning to deal with their pain but Aaron has been off of pain meds for about a month.  And they were ecstatic about his ability to pee and poop on his own.  He is ahead of schedule, which is great.

Next order of business, the plan for returning to work.  He may return back to work at the beginning of April, which I think will help his mental health state.  It is hard to sit at home day after day and have strict limitations on what you can and cannot do, especially when you live with an over protective, over bearing, worrisome RN.  He will start with four hours days for a while, then six, then eight.  Also, on his x-rays Rachel said she could see bone growth...which is great.  His incisions look as good as they can look.  His hard wear looks great...everything is just great. 

Aaron also graduated from walking with a cane to walking independently virtually all of the time (he still uses his cane occasionally.)  So, on this beautiful spring-like day, our lives are looking up.  Abram, who has been sick constantly since January, is starting to finally feel better.  After all of the encouragement from his doctor, Aaron is more confident and walking a little taller.  I feel wonderful because I received a ton of seeds to plant in the mail and I can finally see some mud to dig in.  And Noah...oh boy...he is definitely in a preadolescent stage.

Noah, my outspoken social butterfly, will soon have his 9th birthday.  I cannot believe time has flown by that fast.  And his heart continues to belong to the same girl...you can read about that HERE.  Lately, he has been asking me questions about girls.  He asked me if he can take Candice to prom when they are in high school...I have been trying to teach him to plan ahead, but not like that!  And that was just the tip of the ice berg for the line of questioning.  But, I have always held an open door policy with Noah.  He can ask me or tell me anything.  I am thankful that he feel comfortable enough with me to keep that door open.  I hope he does not shut it in his teenage years.

He has always been girl crazy.  It's bizarre to me because neither Aaron nor I are anything like that.  But when Noah was 2 or 3, he dreamt of a certain blond blogger riding on a skid loader.  I do not exactly remember the entire dream, but I knew then that he would be a heart-breaker when he was older.  Well, now he is older.  Not much older, but I can see that "it" is starting---whatever "it" may be.

So, a friend of mine asked me every mother's most dreaded question, "Have you had the sex talk with him yet...what you haven't...you need to..." Blah blah blah. 

The sex talk?  With my baby?  Really?  Of course he has asked me a few questions like...where do babies come from.  I responded, "Well, God gives them to us."  Complete satisfaction on his end, thus the end to our conversation.  But, talking about sex?  I do not have a clue how to approach this subject, and if it is even necessary.

It makes me think back to my one evening of sex ed...sitting in a dark classroom with a bunch of nuns.  In my head they had mustaches and were slapping rulers on the palms of their hands, shouting at us.  But they really weren't, they were all very nice ladies.  They  just mislead us with certain information.  "Blue balls happens when a man gets cold," stated one nun.  "Women only have a certain number of eggs...that is one reason why you may not have an abortion," another nun said looking right at me.  Was that a hint?  I'll never know.  Later on in life, during health class, I found out that neither one of those statements were true.  And I want my children to have accurate information.

I always envisioned giving the talk to the boys with a Power Point slide show full of STD photos and quick facts about birth control and so on.  In my vision, Abram and Noah were both in their thirties, sitting on the couch with me, a laptop placed gently on my lap.  We maybe would be sipping on some coffee talking about their new jobs and they say they are starting to think about dating.  So, I smile and think, "Well, Noah will be forty soon, time to have the sex talk.  Abram is still only thirty six.  He may be a little too young."  I plug in my flash drive and start with a well prepared lecture.  But, then my mind comes crashing back down to earth, looking in the eyes of my nine-year-old.  I cannot show that to my Noah, he would be traumatized!  I can just hear him and see him in my minds eye.  He would be red faced, giggling non-stop, and then would come the never-ending line of questioning..."You put the what, where?"  I cannot handle that!

So, I continue to answer his questions with short, concise answers that are age appropriate.  But, I am starting to wonder what is age appropriate for him.  There is so much sex in the media now-a-days, even on cartoons.  What ever happened to the coyote and the road runner... they just blew each other up.  Now, we have Sponge Bob walking around in his underwear and Mr. Crabs showing off his buns.  Is that appropriate?  And Sponge Bob is one of the better cartoons!

I think that I am going to have to save Noah's talk for another day.  First, I will surely have to consult my fellow over achieving moms, the blond and the brunette, at lunch.  Or at our "Girls Night."  I can not wait to hear what they have to say!

Housewife

There is a large community of housewives around our small town.  I have always secretly admired these amazing women, in addition to being jealous of them.  Being in our cozy home with the company of my children is something that I have always enjoyed.  Sure, I wanted to be educated (something to fall back on) but my heart is always at home.  Again, I will say I love being at home...but I love going to work too. 

How do housewives do it?  Many of them home school their children, keep house, and cook many meals from scratch.  The attempts that I make to do these tasks always seem so futile.  Yesterday I cleaned our home but today it is a mess.  Granted I try to clean up messes when they happen, keep up on laundry, and stay ahead on meal planning but it is so frustrating to constantly go through this never ending cycle.  Never being able to finish a single task without being interrupted by eternal brotherly battles or the needs of my husband or the beep of the dishwasher or the ding of the dryer or the ring of the phone...   Some days I would love to shout, "Can no one pick up after themselves!?"  Do they think that their laundry and dishes and vacuuming are done by the magical cleaning fairies?

In a sense, I feel like we are all some degree of a house wife.  Now-a-days, moms are expected to cook, clean, raise children, work... we are expected to wear a thousand hats.  Our children and our home (and everything that encompasses) are on the top of my priority list...except for God of course. I enjoy working, helping people and being with adults in a professional setting.  But, secretly I would like to be a stay-at-home mom.  Cooking and cleaning, working around our schedule instead of working around a rotating shifts work schedule.  No more missing Christmas programs and family get togethers...only worrying about the seemingly important things.  On the other hand, there are many days that I cannot wait to leave my children with our wonderful, capable babysitter and escape to work.

A day I could not wait to go to work.

After spending many weeks at home tending to the needs of my husband and caring for our children, two dogs, and a cat, I find myself missing work.  The crazy girls that I work with, caring for people who need us, and using my nursing skills that I went to many years of school to earn...I miss it all.

A fellow co-worker

So now that the stress of returning to work is looming in the near future, I find myself being over-whelmed and needing to focus on counting my blessings:

21.  Having a job to return to and a co-workers that have held our family up in our time of need.
22.  The boys having grandparents who help out anyway that they can with any need.
23.  A husband whose healing has defied the odds, the doctors expectations, and any book.
24.  A new church community who has treated us better than our own church where we have a "membership"
25.  My husbands job that will cater to his needs, no matter what.  His customers who continually call his cell phone and patiently wait for Aaron to return to work.
26.  Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, who are amazing women
27.  Doctors, Nurse Practitioners, and medication (even insurance...it is a pain in the butt) who help with the health of Abram and Aaron ---I would say Noah too, but he is not sick very often.
28.  Hair dye and hair stylists who make us look and feel better
29.  Aaron being able to pee on his own---catheters are beginning to be a thing of the past.
30.  Prayers that are answered.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.---Isaiah 41:10

Transition

Watching TV is something that I rarely do but I love the food station.  All of the chefs make cooking and baking look so easy.  By the time Aaron recovers, he and I will both be gourmet chefs. 

A commercial came on a couple of days ago and it actually made me think---without being cynical or sarcastic.  It said, "When do siblings quit being siblings and start becoming friends"---or something like that.  (Of course the answer was when the parents drop 20 grand on a Disney World vacation.)

So, I pondered to myself...when did Noah and Abram quite being siblings and start being friends?  It happened somewhere in between boys being boys---with out an expensive Disney vacation, even though it looks like fun.  But, I cannot remember a defining moment. 

Was it the first time Noah held Abram (he was scared of his feeding tube) and Abram screamed bloody murder...

I do not remember it looking this painful!

Or was it a big brother teaching a little brother how to destroy the house in under a minute...

Maybe it was the moment I realized that Abram could not get the toilet paper himself (he obviously had help)...

Or maybe it was when Noah realized he loves Abram unconditionally, no matter their differences...

I am not sure when they became best friends.  But today, when it was a whopping 15 degrees above zero and the boys geared up and went outside to play in the snow, I saw their friendship.  Mutual respect for one-another shined through (not that it always does.) 

Some where in between a snowball fight...



Making snow angels...

And just climbing the snowbanks...



They once again showed that they are more than just siblings.  They are brothers, in every sense of the word.

"I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.
It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.
Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at."
-Maya Angelou

Come on Spring!

{Ok...so I really do not like the direction that my blog has been going.  It is all gloom and doom and...well whatever.  And this is totally unlike us, meaning my family.  Originally I had started this blog because I was completely unable to keep a journal and I felt like I was forgetting the important little things.  Little sayings from the boys and important little things between Aaron and I.  But I know that many of you readers read this blog to see how Aaron is doing.  So, I will continue to write little tidbits about Aaron's recovery (because that is a huge part of our lives right now) but I am going to try to change direction and write about the happier times...whatever they may be...and aim for the reason why I originally started this blog.  And with that, here is an attempt...}

It is the beginning of March and still is freezing.  Everyone, including my two little snow lovers, is sick and tired of winter---sub-zero temperatures and that fluffy white stuff.  They have not been able to really enjoy the snow because it has been terribly cold since last November.  That is life in Minnesota, I suppose.  And the weather man forecasted more snow for March, "Could be the snowiest month of the season" (I think I just puked in my mouth a little---and yes, puked is a medical term.)

One of the countless snow drifts in our yard.

With winter comes all of the fun winter stuff---winter colds, flus, being stuck inside day after day after day with two rambuncious boys.  And, on top of everything else, a weird virus (which has been circling our small town) has been passing through family member after family member, picking us off one by one.  Now, it has infected Noah. 

So, what does an 8 year old boy want when he is at home from school sick with a 101 fever?  Does he want ice cream and expensive name brand drinks like Powerade?  No.  This little boy wants, "purple grapes, bananas, and carrots."  He loves to eat healthy even when he is sick.  Bizarre, I know.  But, Noah is true to himself.  He would prefer to eat fruits and vegetables over candy and soda any day.  And I am very proud of him for his food choices.  Abram on the other hand...well he is a junk food addict.  He would rather eat so much soda and candy (often sneaking it behind my back, sitting behind a chair in the living room and quietly engorging himself) until he pukes than eat the meal that is served to him.  That is the difference in children...I suppose.

Our swing set is buried in ice and snow.

We continue to look foreword to spring.  Aaron hopefully will be able to walk around outside by himself without the use of cleats on his shoes and relying on his cane.  Personally, I cannot wait to be up to my elbows and knees in dirt and mud.  Planting seeds, seedlings, flowers, fertilizing, and weeding (I love weeding) is something that I look foreword to all year long.  Gradually my seed/gardening catalogs have been showing up in the mail and it brightens up our long winter.  Come on spring...we are ready for you!

"A lot of people like snow.  I find it be the unnecessary freezing of water-"  Author Unknown

A Glimpse Into the Future

After a phone call yesterday from my supervisor and talking about my return to work, I realized that I need to start to think about the future.  Right now we live by the moment, minute by minute...not even reaching day by day yet.  It hit me that I need to look to the future and figure out what in the heck we are going to do next. 

At this time last year, I would have never guessed that our little family would be where we are right now.  Last March, we just returned from a short winter vacation to a water park with the boys and were planning our normal spring plans.

Some photos from the water park last year...

And now everything has changed.

So, with the question of how do I plan my return to work hanging over my head, I realize that Aaron and I better start preparing.  Being able to work part-time has always been a blessing.  And listening to our financial advisor when we were younger has allotted us an "emergency fund" (which I urge everyone to have.)  With finances set aside and Aaron returning to work continues to be an unknown, how will me working very part time affect our family? Aaron is learning to care for himself but he is not able to fully care for our children.  My return to work is still over a month away so maybe things will be different by then.  But, what if things are not different? What then?   How will Abram be lifted onto the toilet or out of the car or into the bathtub...and so on.  Will Aaron have the stamina to help Noah with his homework and manage the after school routine and handle supper and their bedtime routine?  It is exhausting for myself to complete these tasks and I have not had part of my spine replaced.  How will we handle these daily functions?  Grandmas are always ever willing to help but they have their own lives too. 

Aaron continues to have chronic pain.  This is something that I am fearful that he may always have.  How will he deal with everyday life and pain at the same time?  It is very wearing on a person to see their loved one in such pain all of the time.  The grimaces on his face when he moves ever-so-slightly wrong.  The groans when he is sleeping.  After months of dealing with this it is starting to wear on me.  I am afraid that I am seeing a glimpse into the future.

And with that said, and so many unknowns, I feel that all I can do is count my blessings:

11.  A phone call from a very understanding supervisor.  She is someone who has been very understanding (and willing to work with me on scheduling) with everything with Abram and now with everything with Aaron.
12.  A mom/grandma who has bent over backwards for our family.
13.  A little boy with slightly reddened hair and a little boy with dark brown hair.
14.  A husband who may have a broken body but has not lost his spirit.
15.  Family members who have came together to have a benefit for us (especially aunt Deb who really went to bat for Aaron)
16.  Even though they are a pain in the butt, health insurance.  OMG, where would we be without it.
17.  Aaron's work family that have held a job for him even with so many unknowns (and with the busy season approaching.)
18.  My co-workers who have shown never ending support for our family.
19.  A pork loin from a friend...some of the most delicious meat I have ever tasted.
20.  Attempting a strawberry pie that totally did not turn out but my family ate it (without complaining.)